The Ranch At Rock Creek, Montana, June 2010, Day 2

We set an alarm this morning and slept right through it.  Considering we had barely slept the two nights before, this was incredibly therapeutic.  Besides, today is the big day.  Last night we signed up for multiple activities, and at 7 PM Mountain time our Los Angeles Lakers have take their last stab at defending their NBA Championship.  The truth is that I was considering condensing this trip into one big post, in the same way that I did for the wedding in Delray Beach, Florida.  Then this day came along and, well, I soon realized the folly in that original plan.

Here is your morning panocollage.  I give you no choice but to right-click it and open it in a new window, as this one contains: Balcony View + Wife At Lunch + Dining Room Fireplace + Croque Monsieur (White Cheddar & Prosciutto, yes!) and Shrimp Bisque Lunch + Living Room Area + Barbie on Saddle + the Bar-Lounge-Closest-Thing-To-A-Lobby.

First on today's agenda, archery.

A nice intro-to-archery panocollage:  Barn + Road + Clip of Bullets in the Jeep + Muddy Tire + Rock Outcropping + Arrows on Bench + Bow on Bench.  We are ready to shoot.

Note Mrs. Howard's excellent form.

Now, if you know anything about photography, you know there is often a delay between when you activate the shutter and when the picture is taken.  And with digital photography, this delay is greatly exaggerated.  This is why it takes a photographer, say, seven tries to catch a picture of a windshield wiper in action.  Well, the above picture is a miracle.  No joke.  I kept taking pics and trying to time it so that I would catch that arrow rip through the air, and I succeeded.  Do you see it?  I caught the arrow in the air as the bow fires it towards the target!

Don't believe me?  Look in the red circle, you cynical person.

Still do not believe me?  Look at this crop that brings you twice as close.  In all sincerity, this will forever be the best action shot I will ever take with my iPhone.  And that is not just because in a week I trade in my 2nd generation iPhone for the 4th generation.  It is because this was pure luck.  Lottery level luck.  And it will never be repeated.  So look at it again and think swear words in your mind, because that is some crazy something mother something timing right there.

You needed a target shot, no?  Okay.  Enough with Archery.  We are practiced, our bows' sights are adjusted... it is time for Bow Hunting.

The hunter's point of view.

Barbie whispers to the deer, "This river valley ain't big enough for the two of us, and you ain't got the precision bow and arrow, do ya, punk."

Burn!  It was not a deer.  It was a hard foam target made to look like one.  I laugh at you for thinking Barbie was a killer.  I laugh!  And... nice kill shots by both of us.  Our inner killers have come out to play.

Barbie takes aim at a wild foam boar hiding in the trees.  I got cocky and said, "Forget the circles on his vital organs, I'm going for his head."  And I nailed it.  Nailed it right below the ear.  Yes, it felt good to not be a vegetarian today.  Though considering I nailed a foam boar in the brain, perhaps I should celebrate with a tofu burger?

J&B 5, Foam Bambi 0.

The final target, a faraway yet rather menacing foam antelope.

Right after this picture was taken I knelt down and thanked the foam animal spirits for this kill.

Sucker did not stand a chance against The Howards.  When we get back to Los Angeles, hide your hard foam pets.  The bloodlust is not going away anytime soon.

A moo cow.  Arrow free.  Her lucky day.

This picture is mainly included for my mother and others like her who love horses.

Yes, they are beautiful animals.  I just do not like riding them personally.  Chalk it up to the smell and what it does to my sensitive areas.

What do you do after slaughtering multiple foam animal targets in the brush?  You go fire shotguns at flying orange clay.

Hank, our instructor, gets ready to teach us how to use the Boom Stick.  (Not his term.)

We are going kill THOSE with shotguns.

You can take the boy out of the city, and you can give him a double-barrel shotgun, and he can say pull, and he will not miss the city at all for quite a while.

The reason you see no orange is that I hit the sucker first try.  Then I missed, then I hit, and so on.  It was mighty enjoyable.  I am my Boom Stick and my Boom Stick is mine.

Barbie takes her first shot.  She enjoyed it less than I did, but she would soon compensate for that.

Because next we set down the shotguns and picked up the '22 calibre rifle.  We kneeled down and took aim through the site at some itty bitty targets off in the distance.  Yes, just like a sniper in a movie.

The rifle does all the work, as all you really have to do is control your breathing and trust the sight.  Still, I should warn you...

She did not miss.  Not once.

This woman, simply, could kill you from 50 yards away and be gone from the scene hours before CSI shows up and starts studying the angles.  Think about that before you RSVP for her next party and then do not show up.

Time to return to the ranch.

Our room is THERE.

Time to walk into the Silver Dollar Saloon and see what it has to offer, as the staff has told us we can have our dinner and watch the Laker

Saddles for bar stools.  Nice touch.

Nothing could knock me off of that horsey.

Time for dinner.  And the Superbowl of Basketball, Game 7 of the NBA Finals. 

See Barbie in the bottom right corner?  This is basically one of the best media rooms ever.  And we ate dinner on the couch, just like we would at home.

You deserve a panocollage of the Silver Dollar Saloon, and during some commercials I followed through on my debt to you.

Open this and zoom in, because here you have a nice tour.  Front door of the Silver Dollar + the bar and poker table + ping pong and shuffle board area + four bowling lanes + pool table + wall-sized saloon theatre room.

Dinner is served.

Again, kindness results in my getting soup instead of the planned salad.  This time a great chicken chili.

Barbie gets the intended first course, "Roast Tomato Salad with Red Leaf Lettuce and Red Wine Vinaigrette."

For him, "Line Caught Sea Bass Smashed Red Potato with Local Organic Spinach and Espagnole Sauce." The lack of punctuation and such is because I am verbatim copying from the printed menu.

For her, "Grilled Marinated Flank Steak with Yukon Potato Gnocci Sauteed Morel Mushrooms Local Organic Spinach and Espagnole Sauce."

For dessert, "Strawberry Rhubarb Crisp & Vanilla Bean Ice Cream."

Also for dessert, the NBA Championship for Los Angeles.  What better way to celebrate victory than bowling?

Mrs. Howard rolling towards a sure strike.

Yours truly showing his fundamentally sound form.  Actually I should be leaning lower.  Damn.

The ladies next to us were a bit liberal with their iPhone photography.  I would never step on that lane.  In my brain it is equivalent to stepping onto hot lava.

We then played some ping pong, mocked the Boston fans at the bar, and then headed back to our room.

Here you go, the shot I should have closed the blog with last night.  Watching the DVR in our Los Angeles bedroom on a laptop, courtesy of Slingbox.

Time for bed.